Charlie Kelly
Charlie Kelly is the janitor of Paddy's Pub. He is a member of the Gang that works at the pub; he was best friends growing up with Mac and shares an apartment with his potential biological father, Frank Reynolds. At one point Charlie was a co-owner of Paddy's Pub, but he sold his shares to Dennis and Mac for, among other things, half a sandwich. (The Gang Sells Out)' The most tedious and disgusting janitorial tasks at the bar are referred to as "Charlie Work", even when Charlie is temporarily spared from performing them. Physical Appearance Charlie is short and thin with dark hair and a beard. He often appear nervous and agitated. Charlie's signature attire throughout the series is seen whenever he is at home: a holey black t-shirt depicting a shiny black horse, and an old pair of long thermal underwear. Personality Arguably the most unhappy member of the gang, Charlie is a volatile individual who is prone to Al Pacino-styled outbursts. Charlie has a tendency to dress up as characters and lose himself in fantasies based on movies he's seen. He has dressed up and pretended to be the following characters: * Vietnam War veteran Ron Kovic from ''Born on the Fourth of July (Charlie Gets Crippled) * Corruption-fighting police officer Serpico played by Al Pacino (Bums: Making a Mess All Over the City) While dressing up as these individuals, Charlie often loses track of reality and literally adopts their personality and idiosyncrasies. This inability to separate fantasy from reality is a trait shared by his biological father Frank, who sometimes tells stories from the movie Rambo as if they happened to him. (Mac and Dennis: Manhunters) He also created the character "Greenman". Charlie is a shoplifter, and claims to "steal lots of things". The Aluminum Monster vs. Fatty Magoo He enjoys seeing the other members of The Gang embarrassed. In "Dennis And Dee's Mom Is Dead," he is eager to have someone read to him from Dee's middle school diary so he can laugh at her difficulties as a disabled adolescent. Charlie is intensely patriotic. * He is threatened by a North Korean bar, proclaiming it as "unamerican". (The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation) * He helps throw a wrestling show, in order to support the troops returning from war. (The Gang Wrestles for the Troops) * Charlie tries to convey his love for America by protesting. (Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass) Charlie has been caught masturbating by several members of the gang. Dee caught him masturbating to Dennis' cartoon drawings of large breasted women in The Aluminum Monster vs. Fatty Magoo. She also accused him of stealing Dennis' erotic memoir in order to masturbate to its pictures in Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life. Frank also mentioned that he likes to hide inside of the apartment couch in order to catch Charlie "pounding off". (A Very Sunny Christmas) Skills and Abilities Despite his apparent lack of intelligence, Charlie has displayed some unexpected skills and abilities: * He is the most skilled musician in the group, even implying that he is a savant. He writes an entire musical in The Nightman Cometh. He also has displayed skill in playing electric keyboard. Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person * Charlie can drink immense amounts of alcohol. He once drank 24 beers in one night. While he was immensely drunk, he was still able to carry on a conversation. Mac's Banging the Waitress * Charlie has a prodigious ability to handle drugs and sedatives. He consumes an enormous quantity of sedative-stuffed brownies in The Gang Dances Their Asses Off. * He enjoys cooking, which he often does on a hotplate in his apartment. * He is also adept at sewing, which allows him to maintain the few pieces of clothing that he owns. The Aluminum Monster vs. Fatty Magoo * Charlie is an acclaimed "great referee". (Charlie Wants An Abortion) * He also has a renowned method of cleaning toilets and urinals. * He is extremely good at dominoes. (The Gang Gets Racist) Charlie has also directed several video and musical productions: * A video of Dennis and Mac threatening jihad (The Gang Goes Jihad) * A video of Dennis to promote his run for office (The Gang Runs for Office) * A video of Sweet Dee being lit on fire (Frank Sets Sweet Dee on Fire ) * A musical (The Nightman Cometh) * A commercial for his product, Kitten Mittens (Paddy's Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittens) He also wrote the music and most of the lyrics to the song Day Man, and performed it with Dennis as part of their group, the Electric Dream Machine. Dennis and Mac frequently manipulate Charlie into tests of his fortitude, such as hitting him over the head with beer bottles and chairs or having him tow Dennis' Range Rover through the streets of Philadelphia. They consider Charlie to be almost impossible to injure. (Hundred Dollar Baby) Charlie is also surprisingly adept at concocting elaborate plans to achieve his desires. He has also intricately memorized and even mapped out the air ducts and vents throughout Paddy's Pub. It is realized that Charlie sometimes seeks refuge and solitude there. It is the only access to "Charlie's bad room", in which Charlie likes to go to "be alone and break bottles". The Gang Gets Held Hostage Charlie can hold his breath for over seven minutes, just short of the world record. (Dennis Looks Like a Registered Sex Offender) Weaknesses Charlie lives in squalor. Several people have referred to his dingy apartment as a "shithole". says this in The Gang Goes Jihad His poverty is in part caused by a tendency to make "bad investments". Charlie mentions this in Gun Fever, when his landlord Hwang is bugging him about being late on his rent. At one point, Charlie sells a "shit load" of his shares of Paddy's to Mac for half a sandwich. (The Gang Sells Out) Charlie has limited personal hygiene. Mac says that he has never seen Charlie put on deodorant; Charlie admits that he only washes his testicles every Friday (The Gang Dances Their Asses Off). The Waitress also noted once that Charlie "smells really bad". (The Gang Sells Out) Charlie often exhibits difficulty reading and writing, and is often accused of being illiterate and "retarded" by other characters. Mac even went as far as claiming "No one understands the subtleties of Charlie's retardation better than me." Charlie misread a contract in The Gang Dances Their Asses Off that resulted in his putting the bar at risk of being lost in a contest. He was unable to write clear lyrics in The Nightman Cometh, and needed help from Artemis. Charlie is sometimes unable to comprehend what people are talking about, and has a poor grasp of history and current events. He mentions that Israel is in a tough situation because of "that whole tsunami" and the "superdome thing". (The Gang Goes Jihad) He is extremely prone to electrocution, having been electrocuted over 500 times. Like Dee, however, he suffers from stage fright and becomes nauseated when performing in front of live audiences. (Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life) He's afraid that people will boo him or hate him, and that's why he's never pursued his dreams. (Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person) Despite these fears though, he was able to perform in his own musical and propose to the Waitress in front of an audience. (The Nightman Cometh) Charlie frequently abuses inhalants such as glue and spray paint. In addition, Charlie has abused or been addicted to: * anabolic steroids (Hundred Dollar Baby) * copious amounts of alcohol * LSD (The Gang Gets Invincible) * poppers (Mac and Charlie Die) * cocaine (The Gang Gets Whacked) * crack. Early Life Charlie's real father is almost certainly Frank Reynolds. Frank had a one night stand with Charlie's mother 30 years ago. (Dennis and Dee Get a New Dad) Frank forced Charlie's mom to have an abortion but it "didn't take" and Charlie was born three months later. (The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby) When Charlie was a young boy, his mom would sleep with a variety of men on Christmas Day. It is strongly implied that she had sex for money. (A Very Sunny Christmas) Charlie has a sister who is mentioned once, but never seen in the show. (Charlie Got Molested) It has been repeatedly implied that Charlie was sexually abused as a child. * When the McPoyle brothers claimed they were molested by Coach Murray, he had a strange reaction. * Later, Charlie repeatedly wrote music about the "Nightman", a spirit-like being who crawled into his room at night when he was young and takes hold of him with his "strong hands", and "fills him up". The words Charlie uses to describe his transformation into the Nightman undoubtedly describes a violent rape by a man. Charlie's former sexual abuse is obvious to every character on the show but Charlie himself. While performing in Charlie's musical, most members of the Gang interprets their song as involving the rape of a small boy. Dee objects to singing her Coffee Shop Princess song as being about the molestation of a young boy. Frank interprets the Troll Toll Song as being about wanting "this boy's hole" instead of "this boy's soul". And Mac interpreted the same song to involve a rape scene, which he and Dennis worked hard to make "classy". (The Nightman Cometh) It is strongly suggested that the Nightman was actually Charlie's Uncle Jack. When Charlie was young, his best friend was Mac. Every Christmas, they'd get together and throw rocks at trains. (A Very Sunny Christmas) In eighth grade, Charlie won a dance competition to "Take My Breath Away" by the band, Berlin. (The Gang Dances Their Asses Off) In , Charlie was oblivious to the fact that he wasn't considered cool. The Waitress Is Getting Married Season One Season Two Please insert plot summary here. Season Three Please insert plot summary here. Season Four Please insert plot summary here. Trivia * Charlie has a dislike for lizards. (The Gang Gets Invincible) * Charlie also dislikes people's knees. (The Waitress Is Getting Married) * Charlie's favorite food is "milk steaks", his favorite hobby is "magnets", and he really likes "ghouls". (The Waitress Is Getting Married) * His favorite drugs appear to be alcohol and glue. * Charlie doesn't own a toothbrush. (Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person) Notes * Charlie's name has been used in the titles for nine different episodes. ** : Charlie Wants An Abortion, Charlie Has Cancer, Charlie Got Molested ** : Charlie Gets Crippled, Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass ** : Mac and Charlie Die (Part 1), Mac and Charlie Die (Part 2) ** : Mac and Charlie Write a Movie Quotes :Charlie: That's Tammy, Trey's ex-girlfriend. This is classic Tammy. Trey broke up with Tammy because Maureen Kinallen said that she saw Tammy flirting with Walt Timby at a party, but she was only doing it to make Trey jealous, because, you know, she thought that Trey secretly liked Erin Hannabry, but he doesn't like Erin Hannabry; it was all a bunch of bull." : , Underage Drinking: A National Concern :Charlie: (to Mac) What are you gonna do, hit him? No, that’s a terrible idea, I'll tell you why: It doesn't unbang your mom. : , Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom :Charlie: Here's a confession: I'm in love with a man. What? I'm in love with a man ... a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha. : , The Gang Exploits A Miracle :Charlie: (to Dennis and Mac) Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don't I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on little jobbies?!” : , The Gang Sells Out :Charlie: (to Dee) All right, look, I'm just going to walk you through it, so pay attention. Okay, look, the pretty lady gets naked, of course, and I help her into the prototype, yes? My hands sort of guiding along her body making sure that it fits properly. Now the dress is starting to look fantastic, you know? And she feels very excited, she feels very sensual, and I feel very sensual about her because she looks so good. And then, you know, we chit-chat a little bit, no big deal but she asks me back to her place. Where did that come from? I accept, you know? And then we chit-chat at her place, it's no big deal, but eventually she says, "Do you want to make love, Charlie?" : , The Aluminum Monster vs. Fatty Magoo :Charlie: (to Mac) Let me tell you a little lesson, buddy. The cream always rises to the top. And I’m about to show you the white, hot cream of an eighth-grade boy. : , The Gang Dances Their Asses Off Relationships Charlie has had little success in dating, and spends much of his spare time stalking the Waitress. He has even hired a spy to watch the Waitress. (Dennis Reynolds: An Erotic Life) He goes to great lengths to win her over, in spite of her declarations that she will never be interested in him. * Charlie and Dennis * Charlie and Mac * Charlie and Dee * Charlie and Frank Bangs Charlie is the only member of the gang who has yet to have sex with anyone over the course the show. He has come close to banging several women: * The Waitress - Mac and Dennis paid her to sleep with Charlie, but he didn't make a move on her. (Charlie Has Cancer) * Sun-Li - Sun-Li followed him home and moved into his apartment, but he didn't even kiss her (even though they were briefly engaged). Charlie laters discovered that she was only 12 years old. (The Gang Solves the North Korea Situation) * Painted girls at fraternity - Two girls painted Charlie and Mac, and were gonna let them return the favor and then shower together and wash the paint off (presumably leading to sex). But before Charlie and Mac could paint them back, the heads of the fraternity kicked them out. (The Gang Reignites the Rivalry) * Prostitutes - It is likely that Charlie banged one or more prostitutes when partying with Frank's money. Mac affirms that "...services have already been rendered." It is possible but not probable that Mac alone had sex with the prostitutes, or that the payment was for nonsexual services. (Dennis and Dee Go on Welfare) See Also * Charlie's apartment * Charlie's illiteracy * Charlie Work * Charlie's characters Gallery File:Charlie Gets Crippled.png File:Charlie Goes America.png File:Charlie Got Molested.png File:Charlie has cancer.png File:Gun fever.png File:The Gang Finds a Dead Guy2.png File:The Gang Finds a Dead Guy.png References Category:Main characters Category:Season 1 characters Category:Season 2 characters Category:Season 3 characters Category:Season 4 characters Category:Season 5 characters Category:The Gang